I just pynch a tree in the face
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
