If that was your dad, he is hot
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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