i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
