if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
