I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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