when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
