I can text with my tongue
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
