whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
