We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
