This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
