i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
