Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
