Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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