There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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