theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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