we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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