Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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