She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
