you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
