Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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