and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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