I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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