Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i barfeds in our rink
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
