Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
