I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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