How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
