I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
