bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
