I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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