yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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