At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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