We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
