She announced her abortion via fbk
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
