i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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