I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
