I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
