you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
