she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
