This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
