Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
