I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
