Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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