I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
