So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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