I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
if only i could text you this smell
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
