HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
