did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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