So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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