Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
