your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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