I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
