i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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