I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
