Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
